roads that lead to home

"sometimes you can go down the same road a hundred times and still not recognize it." I said this earlier as I drove past the exit I used to take every single day of summer 2010. as I thought about this statement, I realized it goes for more than just driving. here I am 18 years old and going down the same self destructive path I've gone since 7th grade. ive always said I'd change this change that, but never changed them. I've said I'd quit this quit that, and I haven't quit them. all of this is to say, I've finally realized how hard it is to change once a lifestyle has been put into place. I'm not saying its going to magically be easier now, it all just finally clicked. people say you can change and be the person you wanna be, but do you ever really get away from who you used to be? it follows you. if you were once a self-abuser, like I was, it always stays apart of you. there's always a little voice deep down inside that provokes it. same with drug addicts, alcoholics, people who are depressed, and etc. it all just stays. it may get covered up, or pushed away, but it's there. to basically wrap this all up, today I realized that I'm forever stuck on the same road. I can choose to decorate it differently, clean it up, or turn it into a highway, but it will always be the same road I started on and I need to learn to love it just as I need to lean to love myself.